John Fahey was a popular Inspector of Schools in Central Queensland. One afternoon, while reviewing the day’s inspectorial activities with his colleague Ron Lester and the Principal of the school Ray Kelley, at the favoured watering-hole, the Emerald Star, he headed off for a quick visit to the TAB at the rear of the hotel. John had been a fleet-footed runner in his young days, and, at the time, tried to keep up to the standard of a well known Rugby League winger, Ken Schubert. Not wishing to hold up proceedings he moved quickly. Unfamiliar with the surroundings, he did not know that the Emerald Star kept its glass doors very clean and John, unwittingly, charged straight through one of them. The glass shattered, but John remained relatively unscathed.
The sequel to the story is that the hotel cleaned up the shattered glass and the following morning, the local laundryman arrived nursing the clean sheets and other linen in both arms. As was his wont, he backed up to door to bump it with his posterior. Since it wasn’t there, he flew backwards into the room spreading the linen far and wide.
THE DOOR WITH NO GLASS: A MODERN FAHEYBLE
[Tune: "The Pub with No Beer"]
It’s lonesome away from your kindred and all;
Sheer boredom can send a man clean up the wall;
But drinkin’ and gamblin’ will make the time pass -
Which leads to my tale of the door with no glass.
Now John left the coast for a job in the bush
Where a schoolie was loafin’ and needed a push,
And feelin’ one arvo in need of a sars,
He entered the pub of the door with no glass.
He had one or two, maybe three or four pots
When he suddenly thought of a tip for the trots.
Now the T.A.B. joint where the boys bet their brass
Was somewhere out back, through the door with no glass.
So John, with his mind set on only one thing,
Took off like young Schubert full speed up the wing.
It didn’t take long to discover, alas!
The plate-glass was thick in the door with no glass.
The loss was a few bits of skin and some face,
Plus fluid it didn’t take long to replace…..
The wager unlaid while John played out this farce
Was the only loss cut by the door with no glass.
So next time you see John, although he’s a sport,
Don’t mention a short cut or he’ll cut you short.
When not at a school now, inspecting a class,
He’s inspecting pub doors like the door with no glass.
